The Ethos Weekly, Vol. 15
It’s safe to assume that all of us in sales have been taught about asking the right questions. About positioning the value. About hooking them with a great pitch.
Now, the practice and profession of sales has reached a tipping-point; one where most people think selling is about talking. About pitching. About persuading someone with just the right set of words.
What would you say if I told you those are just tactics? That influence starts long before the pitch.. and rarely feels like a sell?
It hides in plain sight.
It’s engineered upstream, and by the time your buyer realizes it, they’re often already a customer.
Influence Is Rarely Loud
Think about the last time you bought something you didn’t plan to.
A warranty. A “Pro” version of something. A pack of gum at checkout.
Did someone convince you? Or was it just… easy to do?
That’s influence.
Influence, by definition, is the capacity to have an effect. It is the design behind the moment that made your decision feel natural.
It’s the way the option was framed. The way the question was asked. The trust that had already been engineered in the background.
Framing over Forcing
Want someone to pick option A?
Don’t just make A sound better; make it sound like a no-brainer This isn’t trickery. This is behavioral economics at work, and it’s absolutely how your buyers make decisions.
I used to work in a deli at a supermarket. One of my coworkers had the personality of a rock. A rude one at that.
Customers would ask for a particular brand of meat or cheese, and get a response:
“I’d have to open one.”
I would see a customer’s face drop, riddled with guilt and shame for the mere thought of asking this person to do their job.
“No that’s okay. Whatever you have open is fine.”
The expressions now turned to a grimace as they further contemplated leaving with something they didn’t want. So, I tried an experiment the next time this happened to me.
“Yes, I just need to open a fresh one real quick.”
The customer responded: “Oh wow – thanks so much!”
I returned with the freshly opened cut, to see a bright smile upon the customer’s face.
It was then I learned about the importance of framing. This particular style of framing is called an Anchoring Bias where, simply put – first impressions set the bar. So if your “Option A” feels easier to understand, frictionless to choose, and aligns with what they’ve already decided matters most.
Game over.
If only I made commissions off that deli counter!
Design the Environment, Not Just the Deck
Too many reps still think influence lives in the pitch deck, or on the demo. However, real conversion happens before the deck opens.
The way you open the call. The confidence you project. The language you use in your subject lines and follow-ups. Even the silence between your words.
All of it matters. All of it influences.
The Ethical Line: Subtle ? Sneaky
Let’s be clear: subtle selling doesn’t mean shady selling. If you’re hiding flaws, that’s not selling – that’s scheming. Scheming rates a 9.9 on the Elemental Sleaze-o-meter, so best to steer clear.
If you’re dodging questions, you’re not strategic – you’re scared. You’re hiding something.
Subtle selling done right empowers the buyer rather than entraps them. You’re building trust through every detail, not just the big moments.
Because here’s the truth…
Trust Is Built Between the Lines. Always has been.
The fastest path to trust is alignment. That pack of gum? Perfectly aligned with the checkout line. Influence is about making your buyer feel that you’ve already anticipated their needs.
So, want to sell more?
Stop focusing on pushing harder. Start focusing on framing smarter. Make the choice feel easy. Let your process and transparency do the persuading.
Influence the outcome before the pitch begins.
That’s the Subtle Sell.
Enjoy this edition? Forward it to someone you respect, because the power of influence – real influence – is too important to keep hidden away.
Up Next: The Buyer Brain: Before “Let Me Think About It” Plagues You